One Day I Will Grow Up and Be Big
Every once in a while, my Grandmother will laugh and remind me that as a young girl I used to say, “One day, when I grow up and my bosoms get very very big, I will wear a bra.”
While I am still waiting for that big bosom day to come, I find it quite hilarious that I am excited by the idea that one day, as a grown up, when my muscles are very very big, I will wear a sparkly bikini and have an amazingly dark spray tan.
I have been eating like nobody’s business for the past 3 months. I have put on a considerable amount of weight and am now tipping the scales at 160 (previously 143).
My jeans are tight, I can’t fit into my favorite cocktail dress any more and leggings and black drapey dresses have become my new best friends.
I am not fat. I am just stronger.
I can’t say that I hate the way that I look, but after years of being “skinny,” I’m still getting used to the bigger, better me.
“How do you think you look?” my trainer asked me the other night as I rested between a set of cleans. We were both looking at me in the mirror.
I had had a long day at work. I was sweating and felt bloated.
“I think that this is a skinny mirror and that I look a lot different than what we’re seeing. I think my legs look really puffy and bloated and big and that my arms look skinny and small. “ He looked at me like I was crazy. “I mean, I think I’m making progress though…How do you think I look?”
“I can never tell with you, Berry,” he said. “Some days you come in here and are like, ‘I am a MONSTER’ and then other days you come in and are like, ‘Meh…I feel fat.’”
More often than not, though, I’m a monster.
“You look good.”
When I was warming up, one of the other trainers at the gym who I have been chatting with quite regularly walked out of the men’s locker room and did a double take. “Lookin’ good!” he said, “Coming along nicely.”
That made me happy. Looking at my body every day I see changes here and there, but having not seen this guy for 3 weeks and then him tell me he sees progress, too, is a great thing to hear.
I just have to keep on pushing.
My legs are coming along nicely as well as my glutes. My butt has morphed from two pancakes into two dinner rolls.
Disappointingly, my shoulders are the slowest part to develop and also the most important. I train them like no body’s business but they are slow to arrive.
I was told to add creatine to my diet last week and today rounds out the 7th day. Just about 3g on average. My workouts are more powerful and I’m hoping this will help push me into the next muscular development level. We shall see.
My six pack has vanished but I swear at times I can still see it. I know this weight will come off in about 3 months when I start prep and I’m excited for it. I have a strong base that is getting stronger by the day and I know I can make this work.